


The Old Memories that Haunt

by Ishbella



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Oral Sex, Rape Recovery, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-30
Updated: 2015-05-30
Packaged: 2018-04-01 22:30:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4036894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ishbella/pseuds/Ishbella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The inquisitor is going to the western approach tomorrow and it's their last night together for a while. Cullen has a trigger episode that needs to be discussed and comforted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Old Memories that Haunt

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning for this chapter. 
> 
> i wrote this because of a post that came up on my tumblr dash regarding the intricacies of being in a relationship with someone suffering with PTSD, more specifically someone who's been dodging their problems for 10 years and not dealing with it and how a character might deal with a flashback. I was going to write something like this into my story anyway but now they're dealing with it earlier rather than later. In my story this is set just a few days after preservence happens. 
> 
> here is the article if anyone wants to read it:  
> http://tigernaute.tumblr.com/post/120033312717/cullen-critical

Kiraka eased Cullen back onto the bed, following her silent directives he scooted backwards with a heart wrenchingly handsome smug smirk on his face. Sweet maker, she loved that smile, she thought feeling heat pool in between her legs as she followed him. She was going to miss him.

Leaning over him and pushing him flat on his back she ran the flat of her tongue along his hard length and listened with pride as he groaned low in his throat. One hand massaging his balls and the other pumping his shaft, she teased the tip of his cock with her tongue; teasing it back to full hardness. His hand came down to rest in her hair, his long fingers tangling in her blonde locks as he groaned and prayed her name out to the maker. She loved the way it sounded on his lips, like she was a gift, a revered treasure.

Kiraka loved the taste of him on her tongue, salty and a little bitter with a citrus undertone and while she wanted to finish him like this one night but tonight she wanted him inside her, she wanted to ride him, to feel him buck and moan under her.

Moving her hand off his shaft she ran her tongue up and down the underside before slowly running wet hot sucking kisses along his length. He moaned louder, his hips bucking slightly against her mouth and his hand flexing in her hair. He was enjoying himself but the party for one was over. Removing her mouth from him she gave his cock one final wet kiss and his balls one last gentle squeeze.

"I want to try something" she told him still leaning over him, her cheek resting against his hard twitching cock. The smirk that lit his face was full of wicked curiosity his eyes dark with undisguised lust.

"Oh, what do you have in mind, love?" he practically purred, his hand untangling from her hair to brush her face. They had only been having sex for the last couple of days and it had basically just been him on top, and while she enjoyed that she wanted to start trying all the other stuff.

"Well, I was thinking maybe I could be on top tonight?" she asked matching his purr with her own as her stroked a finger up him, feeling it twitch again at her touch.

"Maker’s breath, yes." he breathed out. His enthusiasm of the idea took her off guard, not that she had expected him to complain or deny her. She slid herself up him, he groaned as her hard nipples brushed along his cock before cupping them in his hands.

"Good" she moaned against his mouth before catching his in an open mouthed desperate kiss. Holding herself up with one hand she slipped the other down between them and gripped him. Kiraka pushed herself up a little as she deepened the kiss and slid his tip between her lips. She was soaked with her need for him, she slid him along her a few more times, coating him with her and listening to him groan before lining him up and pushing her body down.

Sweet Andraste the feel of him as he entered her, there was nothing like it. She paused for a moment savouring it and let out a groan of pleasure. "Cullen" his name slipped from her lips half a groan.

His hands went from her beasts to her hips in a heartbeat. He pushed down hard as he ground his hips up into her thighs. "Kiraka, love" her name groaned in return was like the sweetest prayer.

As she kissed him again she brought her hips up before sliding herself down onto him letting her muscles get used to him inside her before she picked up her pace. She kissed him hotly on the mouth, slipping her tongue in when she found it open mid groan before she straightened herself and began to grind hard against him. He was hitting just the right spot at this angle, it was divine.

Kiraka wasn’t sure what happened next, one moment he was grinding himself into her at the rhythm she had set moaning softly and then the next his eyes were frozen open in panic, fear driving away the lust like clouds crossing the sun. His body froze, as if she had just turned him to ice. He looked like he did when he was just coming out of a nightmare.

Launching herself forwards she wrapped her arms around him and shifted her hips so that he slipped out of her. “Cullen, it’s alright. It’s alright, love, I’m here” she whispered into his ear, feeling panicked and not quite understanding what happened.

For a long heavy moment he remained stiff and then all at once he sagged, coming undone and not in the good way. When he tried to push her away, she allowed it, sitting up on his lap so she could see his face. Cullen’s eyes were watery and filled with shame, it was heartbreaking to see.

“I’m sorry.” he choked out turning his head away from her, the movement caused a few tears to spill down his cheeks. Gently she pushed his face back to her and wiped the tears away with her thumbs, he was still avoiding her gaze.

“Shh, love. You don’t need to apologise, never apologise for this” she cooed to him gently, still brushing away more tears as they spilled over. He was distraught, partially over whatever had freaked him out and partially out of shame for ruining the moment but as far as she was concerned nothing was ruined, they could try again later if he wanted or even in the morning before she left. Blight take it, even if they put it off until her return, she didn’t care, as long as he was alright.

He pushed her hands away and sat up, still not looking at her and silent tears running down his face. She could see his breath hitch in his chest; he seemed to be gathering himself to say something ridiculous. She waited and when he finally looked her in the eye his face had closed off, blocking her out. “I should leave, you deserve someone who isn’t broken” he choked out past the tears, even the emotion in his voice was closed off leaving it flat and lifeless.

Her hand twitched with the urge to slap him but she suppressed it, it would do more harm than good and he didn’t deserve it no matter how much what he just said angered and hurt her. Taking a few deep breaths to steady herself she slipped her arms around his neck and held him tight. “Listen to me, Cullen. You are _not_ broken. You’re hurt and healing but _never_ broken. Don’t say such things about yourself.” At his sharp intake of breath she pulled back and cupped his face in her hands, his face had opened back up and she could see the agony in it. “I love you, we’ll get through this.”

It was physically painful to watch the war of emotions on his face, the part of him that wanted to push her away for her own good, fighting it out with the part of him that needed her right now. Eventually the part of him that needed her, needed comfort won out and he dropped his head to her shoulder in defeat, his arms coming tightly around her waist crushing her to him. He cried properly in what had probably been a long time, but silently. His tears ran over the lightning bloom on her shoulder as she stoked his hair and told him repeatedly that he was going to be alright.

_______________________

It had taken a while for Cullen to calm down, for her to calm him down; it reminded her of that time in Ostwick so many years ago. During comforting him Kiraka had fought an internal war of her own, whether or not she should ask him what he saw when she was on top of him; whether or not he would even tell her, if telling her would possibly help. In the end she decided she would ask, although the thought of pushing him made her nervous.

“What happened, Cullen?” she asked quietly into his hair, it was a curly mess now from all her stroking. Kiraka could hear her heart thudding in her ears, afraid to push him too far, he was hurting and she felt like an insensitive monster for questioning him but she wanted to help and she didn’t think she could if she didn’t understand what had triggered him.

He stiffened in her arms for a heavy moment before tightening his embrace. He appeared to be deciding if he wanted to tell her and if he did how he should word it. “I don’t know” he breathed out his breath raising the tiny hairs on the skin over her breasts into goosebumps.

“I thought you wanted me on top?” she inquired, finding herself unwilling to let the issue drop now that she had brought it up. She didn’t understand any of this and she wanted to.

“I did, I mean I do. Maker’s breath, I don’t know what happened. One minute I was enjoying watching your breasts bounce and the next all I saw was the demon and it felt like I was back there again” He explained all in a rush, ashamed of himself and sounding afraid of her being offended. He wasn’t looking at her; his face was still buried in her shoulder.

There was no way he would have told her something like this before, would have even told her this much. Suddenly full understanding hit her; it hit her like a High Dragon tail swipe. Sweet Andraste, she thought tightening her hold on him for a moment before easing him back so that she could look in his eyes. They were full of the shame she had heard in his voice.

“We’ll work it out, love. It will be alright; it isn’t something to be ashamed of. _You’re not broken_. Do you want to try that position again another time or shall we just leave it?” she reassured him. The only thing they could do was gently work through it, find what worked for him and stop if he triggered. Unfortunately there would be many more nights like this, her comforting him and coaxing him to try something different or giving up for the night. They would work through it together.

“I want to try it again, but not tonight” he sighed, sounding depressed.

“It’s ok, Cullen” she told him firmly, there was no way for her to cheer him up just yet. They would try this again when she got back from the Approach, would keep trying it as long as he wanted to.

“No, it’s not” he growled at her but she cut him off before he could depreciate himself any further.

“Yes, love, it is. If it was me having this problem you would be telling me the same thing and you know it. I love you and we will do this as slowly as you need because you are important to me” she growled back at him, pressing a gentle kiss into the side of his mouth.

“I don’t deserve you” he grumbled against her, his hands drifting up and down her spine.

“Yes, yes you do.” She growled again, cutting off anymore protests by kissing him on the mouth. He didn't flinch, just crushed her into his warm body and slipped his tongue in her mouth.

__________________________


End file.
